Mwahahahahaha!

I've mentioned we are redneck 'round these parts. Today, I spent the morning and afternoon at a cornhole tournament. I was a cornhole girl and I wore this t-shirt:

Front:

Back:

And I found my new favorite pick-up line - and girls? If you saw the guy wearing this shirt? Yowza!!

Boy Speak

Today was show-n-tell and the Boy was to take something belonging to mommy. He took a handpainted boomerang that I was gifted from a relative who visited Australia.

He was so excited and practiced what he was going to say all morning. At school he whispered to the teacher what he had brought and all the kids were to begin guessing.

So, the teacher thought of clues to help out. She threw out the following clues:

1. Does it have legs? . . . no . . . (teacher is perplexed);
2. Does it live in a tree? . . . no. . . (teacher is confused);
3. Does it eat fruit? . . . no . . . (teacher is chuckling to self);
4. Can you see it at the zoo . . . no, I don't think so . . . (teacher is flumoxed);
5. Is it reddish-brown . . .no . . . (teacher gives up).

The teacher says . . . honey, I give up. (even though she thinks she knows). Boy pulls out the boomerang beaming and the teacher exclaims "Oh! It's a boomerang!" Boy says "yep" (now he is perplexed.) Lots of oohing and ahhing over my boomerang.

What did he tell the teacher his mom leant to him to bring to show and tell?

An Orangutan!

Can you?

In 2m 7s

Click here to Play

In 4m 30s

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Out of the Mouths of Babes

The Following are all excerts of conversations with the Boy this past weekend.

Boy: Excuse me . . . Excuse me . . . Ummm, Excuse me ma'am. I would like to order my food now please.
Waitress: *blink*
Boy: Thank you. I will have french toast sticks and grapes. Oh, and sprite. Thank you. . . . That's all!
Waitress: *blink*

* * * * *

Boy: *hopping around comically . . .* Look Out! Look Out! It's a "STINGLEBEE" He is coming to get me!
Me: *blink* A stinglebee?
Boy: Points at very large bumblebee . . .
Me: Oh! A Bumblebee!
Boy: Whatever, it stings don't it?

* * * * *

Boy: *singing* "I've got the whole world in my hands . . . "
Me: No, baby, that song is about God - God has the whole world in his hands.
Boy: *shrugs shoulders* God can share.

* * * * *

Boy: *in his sleep* "I'll take a hot dog . . . with mustard!"
Me: *laughing hysterically*

* * * * *

Boy: Mama! Can we have a fire tonight? (outside)
Me: No.
Boy: Please?
Me: No.
Boy: Then can we set off fireworks? We have a lot!
Me: No.
Boy: Fine! I'm going to bed then! *wherein he promptly curled up on a lawnchair and . . . went to sleep!*

It has been a fun weekend . . . How was yours?

Plunge Right In . . .

Well, it is bible school week and my son has been attending. The theme is awesome. It is "Take the Plunge" and all the stories, crafts, and play time revolve around water. So, water slides, wade pools, boats, Noah, Jesus walking on water, water into wine . . . etc . . . Sounds like fun right? Should be. However, the standard response from my kid for the first two days was "it's boring. The singing is fun (we shall get back to this), but I am bored." WHAT? How can you be bored with water fun when it is 90 flippin degrees out?

Well folks, poor planning will do that every time! See, the invites for VBS stated, "bring a towel, wear a suit, take the plunge - Make a Splash with Jesus." I'm even thinking maybe you could work a whole John the Baptist theme into this VBS. . . No, I am NOT volunteering!

Day 1: No water play! WHY NOT? Cause I'm not in charge . . .
Day 2: Preschoolers are not allowed to water play? Again I ask, WHY NOT? Cause I'm not in charge . . .
Day 3: . . . herein lies the story.

The Boy was bored, and apparently so were a bunch of other preschoolers. See, you can't promise something to preschoolers and not follow through. They have sponge like memories still cause their brains haven't been eaten away be the drudgery of employment.

You can't say, "Hey four year old cutie-pie, I see you there in your swim trunks wanting to swim, watching the 10 year olds slide on ye olde slip-n-slide but you cannot. You can walk the plank, but you cannot swim . . ." Pre-schoolers are still sharp, sharper than you and I, they are calculating, in the best of ways. The world is a canvas and they are throwing paint balloons. . . Do you get the picture?

So, what does a gaggle of preschoolers do when denied water play at a water themed bible school? They hatch a plan. In fact, since, the pre-schoolers are not getting to water play, they come in regular clothes by day 3 - and it is on that day 3 the plan is set in motion . . .

The gaggle of preschoolers rushes the VBS leader and . . . swish . . . down the waterslide they go, clothes and all! AND THEY HAD A FRICKEN BLAST! They would not be denied. When I picked up the Boy at bible school last night and asked did you have fun? He looked at me with those sparkly blue eyes and said "YEAH!" Then I said, "why are you wearing different clothes?"

Good thing I pack a huge bag of clothes for him wherever he goes - he is four! it is necessary! Seems several preschoolers ended up wearing said clothes. I will get them all back today . . .

Moral of this story? Preschoolers will not be denied, will not be ignored, will not be forgotten. . . oh, and if you plan a water themed VBS - LET THE BABIES PLAY!

Ok, which brings me to the singing . . . Whoever writes these theme songs must be smokin la'crack. SERIOUSLY! For the theme is Take the Plunge . . . into Jesus!

You heard me . . . Take the Plunge into our Lord . . . Holy Crap! Here is the verse from the theme song:

"Don't give worry a place inside . . . Just Plunge Right Into Jesus Christ!" . . .

:Bou Blink:

Ok, how is that for a visual? Who writes this stuff? Probably a satanist! So, on Friday at the closing program, I have to stiffle mad laughter while my four year old and his preschool castmates and some older kids sing "Just Plunge Right Into Jesus Christ" . . . while they hold their hands together and make like they are diving in . . . INTO WHAT?

They couldn't just stick to "Michael Row Your Boat A Shore?" Then of course there are some of the other songs: "In the Son" and "Well, Well, Well" with a verse that reads: "I've got living waters springin up within me - I've got streams of water flowing deep within . . ." ACK!

Reminds me of a South Park Episode where the boys decided to sing Christian rock and just took other songs, really bad rap songs etc . . . and substituted some of the words for Jesus or Lord or God . . . I say again . . . ACK!

So, this Friday evening, I will be sitting in a church pew, stiffling laughter and probably having to pee while my baby sings about plunging into Jesus Christ and getting wet and streams within him . . . ACK!

I.am.so.going.to.Hell!

Friday Funny

THE ITALIAN TOMATO GARDEN

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie

Palooza-head

Totally ripped off this one from Jenna!

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