FanFreakinTastic

I love, love, love McCain's Veep pick! Love it! She is an attractive, hardworking, well-spoken, blue collar woman from Alaska. She hunts, fishes, eats red meat. She is a lifer with the NRA, has 5 kids - one with downs. Is married to a blue collar oilman who is part-native alaskan and who races in the Irondog!

How much more in-tune with the American public can you get? Seriously, B. Hussein and his pampered Mrs. got nothin on SP! I love it! What a great pick. And the first woman on a republican ticket for VP. I love it.

The icing on the friggin cake? SHE WANTS TO DRILL FOR OIL!!!

She makes voting McCain almost ok. Wheeeeeeee!!!!

Is It Blues or Stress?

I've got the "end of summer, missing my best friends, work sucks, back on the radar" blues.

Seems my fears are coming to fruition. The dip in the economy and bad foresight have resulted in the layoffs of 10 or so contemporaries at my firm in the last few weeks.

I pride myself in flying under the radar - I'm stealth like that - but now, I'm on the promotion list - as in - promotion to Partner. Problem is, when you are on someone's list, you are no longer under the radar. I'm worried that with the "sorry, you haven't been promoted this time" news I may just get a "but you get this lovely pinkslip as a parting gift."

Can you tell? I'm starting to get jumpy - as in jumpy like a tarantula ::spider wave::

Let's hope I'm wrong. I don't care about the promotion so much as being on a list. I'm out in the open, vulnerable to attack as it were. Of course, if I get canned, I could totally sell my place and move closer to my buddies - so there's that!

Or I could chuck it all and live in a van down by the river . . .

Ok, back to the books - need to keep as much under the radar as possible now that I'm out in the open with a deer in the headlights look plastered to my sorry slang-eyes.

Firsts - UPDATED

UPDATED: So, the first day went off without a hitch, but the boy, when asked how his day was, replied "it was ok, but the snacks and lunch were yucky. They made me eat stale pretzels and a whole hotdog. Yuck." The boy, like me, is a foodie and was not pleased with stale pretzels and hotdogs. Guess we will be packing lunch from now on.

Today is the first day of Kindergarten for my little man. He isn't really feeling his best and he is a little upset that his summer is over. He is also very excited to start.

So, here is my little man on his first day of Kindergarten and getting on the bus. Here is to firsts. There will be many more but this one is just a little bittersweet.

Best Flight Ever

This weekend was fabulous! Great food, wonderful company and the best flight ever.

I just got back. Began with stimulating conversation in first class with Army Captain Bell. Damn! I could have chatted with him all day. He was just two days home from Iraq (tour two). He helped build the D.C. WWII memorial. Just a gorgeous man. He sat next to me as he was upgraded for free by the Airtran flight attendants in thanks for his service. I thanked him too. He was beautiful - if I wasn't a married woman . . . ahem . . . moving on . . .

Anyway, on Thursday I jetted off to the home of my asian-sister Christina to spend some time with her, Dash, the girls, MawMaw and with our translucent sister Richmond. These ladies and their families have become part of my family and it is always a joy to spend time with them. We were joined on Friday by Zonker (everyone knows I loves me some Zonker), who I think may somehow be related to me (there cannot possibly be two people on the planet with the same warped sense of humor . . . I digress). Joined by Christina's friend Susan and a new buddy Sherri, and not a finer group of people could be found anywhere in the State of Texas of that I am sure.

Can I just rub in for a second the fact that the food was phenomenal? Had I not forgotten my camera, I am sure I'd have photos - MawMaw and Christina know how to stuff a person to busting. My mouth is watering just thinking about the best fish tacos I've ever eaten - compliments of Dash and Wee One, and MawMaw's feasts which literally whisper (or scream) to all in attendance "eat me!" Not to be outdone - Twinkie introduced me to my new favorite dessert! "The Gods are smiling upon your kitchen adventures!"

And I made Mayhaw Jelly - eat your hearts out everyone! I was MawMaw's stir-fried stir girl for a day. I believe we made 30 plus jars of jellies. Yum!

But the real treat was sitting and enjoying time with my dearest friends - that and watching MawMaw chase Zonker around with a machete. Thank you again for inviting me into your home and sending me on my way with love and a new ability - I can knit! Ok, not really, but I promise to try! I have the best damn friends in the universe! Seriously. I count the days until I see you all again - may it be very soon as I miss you all already!

Now, on to the funny. I have a knack, a curious or perhaps disturbing knack for developing my own sign language to convey my utter lack of social skills and/or inner court jester. Now, most people simply disregard this quirk of mine as over compensating for a serious lack of intelligence - some may even walk away whispering that I have Touretts (BOB SAGET!!), but a few, nay one person has not only engaged this curious quirk but understands it at the same time. Yes, Zonker, I am talking about you.

Seems that Zonker causes this quirk of mine to increase exponentially - must be pheromones or something. That is to say, I speak to Zonker in code, one he pretends to understand (or simply indulges in order not to bruise my ego?) HEAHHHH! One which several terrified passengers on a flight from San Antonio to Atlanta got to experience first-hand. "No ma'am I've not had anything to drink, why do you ask?" Drunk or not, rest assured several people in first class think that they were being kind in allowing the mentally impaired individual in row three tag along - "you have a good time now!"

Needless to say, the flight from San Antonio to Atlanta was - - - THE BEST FLIGHT EVER! I have never ever laughed so hard. It took me a full two hours to finish my drink as I have a fear of things coming out of my nose. I laughed so hard that I was actually crying, real tears were flowing from my eyes. My sides were killing me, if I hadn't "peed first" I'd have peed my pants. We were delayed because of a weather-related full-ground stop in Atlanta so Zonk and I made the best of the extra hour or so, or rather, we tormented one another to tears. I have a new respect for the Zonker. ( and have added significantly to my paranoias).

One disappointment though was that Zonker was unable to answer several serious questions that I have about flying. First, I used the facilities because seriously - best advice ever? Pee First! So upon using said facilities I began to wonder, "Just how does one join the Mile High Club these days?" the facilities being extra small and first class having additional, immovable, central barriers . . . Alas, Zonk, tried but was unable to satisfactorily answer my questions, having never had the good fortune (I am guessing *snicker*) of joining the Mile High Club on an AirTran flight. It is a question that began to plague me - so I will throw it to you gentle readers. With the decrease in functional space on budget aircraft - including in first class - just how does one join the Mile High Club these days? Seriously, I am all about the creativitiy but could not find a suitable answer to my question. Byegones . . .

Despite all the delays, seat malfunctions, tormenting (and strange questions), Zonker, ever the gentleman, did not ditch me on his first opportunity but made sure that I didn't miss my connecting flight. He walked all over the Atlanta airport with me until we actually found my connecting flight and were assured it would be travelling to Pittsburgh in due course. Thank you to one of the kindest and funniest men I know! It was a delight to spend the weekend in your company, I hope to have the pleasure again very soon as I already miss your abnormally tall presence!

Stress Free

The last many weeks I have endured stress, the likes of which I've not endured before. I faced the possibility of losing my husband or having a disabled husband, neither of course have occurred. He is better by the day and I continue to thank you all for your prayers. I was not prepared for the possibility though. That, that is what is so stressful. Some dear friends have endured even more health related stress than I, and that adds to my worry and angst because they are so dear to me.

This weekend (which is not yet over, thank God!), I flew my tired ass to Texas to visit with the Feisty Clan. Richmond is here, and so is Zonker. I've the pleasure of spending time with the Feisty Mawmaw, and a Feisty friend who I've not seen since last year. It has been wonderful! There is nothing quite like having nearly all of your favorite people in the same room, laughing, chatting, eating! Oh the food! Eat your heart out indeed!

But really, I walked off the plane and into the waiting arms of two of my dearest friends in the world. Then Iget here and walk through the door and into a hug from the Wee Child whom I adore and the stress began seeping out of my pores. I am well-rested. Well, actually, I could use more sleep, but who can resist staying up all night and chatting with friends?

I even learned to knit, seriously, I am stress free. My new favorite quote? Pee first, it is a necessary thing. My sides hurt from the laughter. It was just what I needed.

Thank you my friends, you know how to fix some serious stress!

Redneck Wedding

I was going to wait until later to post this, but seriously, y'all will not believe what I did on Friday night!

Have you ever seen CMT's My Big Redneck Wedding? No? Check out some of the episodes. It will make you chuckle.

Let me set the stage:

A member of our fire department was getting married and had an interesting idea for a wedding. He and his girl would get hitched at a mud-bogging competition. Yes, that is right, I said mud-bogging. Don't know what that is? Well, it is where you take a four-wheeled, preferably a four-wheel drive vehicle and you drive it through mud pits, mud holes, mud puddles, over hills, over rocks, through ditches, through ravines and through obstacles - - - for fun. Yes, we in podunk Pa find playing in mud a pleasurable past-time.

As it so happens, the idea was one that struck the fancy of the CMT producers of the My Big Redneck Wedding program. On Friday, yours truly was part of the crew that brought the bride to the mud - so to speak. I also sat front row for the actual wedding which took place on the back of a flatbed truck - designated the "Git 'R Done Chapel." (I may actually be on CMT, I hope none of my clients deign to watch). Immediately proceeding the vows, bride and groom jumped into said mudpit - (the bride wore a gown) - and then into a truck to fly through the mud pit as one does at a mud-bogging competition.

The wedding cake was blown up (small explosives were used), the food consisted of cold fried chicken, cold BBQ chicken, ham barbeque - a staple at redneck events in Western PA, beans, potato salad and macaroni salad - No grits, this is yankee country afterall.

Following a very unsafe and impromptu fireworks show (read, they lit them off with cigarettes) I went home. Ahh home, the place I shall never cop to being from again once this show airs.

Believe it or not, CMT producers declared my small town "the most redneck town they'd ever been in." Now, I believe they were simply trying to point out how "small-town" we are, and not that we truly are the most redneck town - (I have seen the other episodes, so I don't believe them.) But seriously, I've told y'all I'm redneck, now you get to see it in living color! Tune in to the first episode of Season 2 of the show (I think not until January) and you can all see for yourself.

Oh, one more thing, my buddy - we call him Twinkie, was driving the firetruck - he was wearing a "boobies make me smile" t-shirt and it was filmed . . .

Oh, one more, one more thing . . . I learned a new knock-knock joke at said wedding: I was asked to place my forehead against the forehead of a guy who said "knock-knock" I said "who's there" he said "Emerson" . . . "Emerson who" and with all the enunciation of a true Yinzer he said "Emerson nice tits you got there . . . " and of course I said "Thank you." :-)

Still Moving

By now, many of you have read about my husband's head injury. Few know the frustrations that come after such an injury, though I am sure that any major trauma or illness is similar. We've been fortunate not to be touched by too much trauma or illness until recently.

As of the latest CT scan, the Husband's bleeding has been absorbed and the swelling is all gone. But the doctor was unable to answer why he is still experiencing major symptoms and only offered post concussion syndrome after a lot of proding and questions from me.

It appears that my husband is suffering post concussion syndrome. Which is apparently common after a head injury, but no one told us. The doctor yesterday told me to "go home and look it up on the internet." It typically affects those with a mild injury, except my husband's injury is not a typical or a mild injury. He had a subdural hematoma and an intracranial hemmorage. He was bleeding from the brain, had swelling and bruising of the brain. That is not a mild injury, but what do I know.

In fact, the doctors have been so nonchalant about the entire ordeal that we left the hospital with no information at all. Luckily, we are savvy enough to find out the information ourselves.

Next stop, neuropsychology. Hopefully, that will be far more helpful than these last doctors have been. The neurosurgeon yesterday is at the top of my list for asshole of the year.

We've a long road ahead and more healing to do, but we are better everyday. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.