Plunge Right In . . .

Well, it is bible school week and my son has been attending. The theme is awesome. It is "Take the Plunge" and all the stories, crafts, and play time revolve around water. So, water slides, wade pools, boats, Noah, Jesus walking on water, water into wine . . . etc . . . Sounds like fun right? Should be. However, the standard response from my kid for the first two days was "it's boring. The singing is fun (we shall get back to this), but I am bored." WHAT? How can you be bored with water fun when it is 90 flippin degrees out?

Well folks, poor planning will do that every time! See, the invites for VBS stated, "bring a towel, wear a suit, take the plunge - Make a Splash with Jesus." I'm even thinking maybe you could work a whole John the Baptist theme into this VBS. . . No, I am NOT volunteering!

Day 1: No water play! WHY NOT? Cause I'm not in charge . . .
Day 2: Preschoolers are not allowed to water play? Again I ask, WHY NOT? Cause I'm not in charge . . .
Day 3: . . . herein lies the story.

The Boy was bored, and apparently so were a bunch of other preschoolers. See, you can't promise something to preschoolers and not follow through. They have sponge like memories still cause their brains haven't been eaten away be the drudgery of employment.

You can't say, "Hey four year old cutie-pie, I see you there in your swim trunks wanting to swim, watching the 10 year olds slide on ye olde slip-n-slide but you cannot. You can walk the plank, but you cannot swim . . ." Pre-schoolers are still sharp, sharper than you and I, they are calculating, in the best of ways. The world is a canvas and they are throwing paint balloons. . . Do you get the picture?

So, what does a gaggle of preschoolers do when denied water play at a water themed bible school? They hatch a plan. In fact, since, the pre-schoolers are not getting to water play, they come in regular clothes by day 3 - and it is on that day 3 the plan is set in motion . . .

The gaggle of preschoolers rushes the VBS leader and . . . swish . . . down the waterslide they go, clothes and all! AND THEY HAD A FRICKEN BLAST! They would not be denied. When I picked up the Boy at bible school last night and asked did you have fun? He looked at me with those sparkly blue eyes and said "YEAH!" Then I said, "why are you wearing different clothes?"

Good thing I pack a huge bag of clothes for him wherever he goes - he is four! it is necessary! Seems several preschoolers ended up wearing said clothes. I will get them all back today . . .

Moral of this story? Preschoolers will not be denied, will not be ignored, will not be forgotten. . . oh, and if you plan a water themed VBS - LET THE BABIES PLAY!

Ok, which brings me to the singing . . . Whoever writes these theme songs must be smokin la'crack. SERIOUSLY! For the theme is Take the Plunge . . . into Jesus!

You heard me . . . Take the Plunge into our Lord . . . Holy Crap! Here is the verse from the theme song:

"Don't give worry a place inside . . . Just Plunge Right Into Jesus Christ!" . . .

:Bou Blink:

Ok, how is that for a visual? Who writes this stuff? Probably a satanist! So, on Friday at the closing program, I have to stiffle mad laughter while my four year old and his preschool castmates and some older kids sing "Just Plunge Right Into Jesus Christ" . . . while they hold their hands together and make like they are diving in . . . INTO WHAT?

They couldn't just stick to "Michael Row Your Boat A Shore?" Then of course there are some of the other songs: "In the Son" and "Well, Well, Well" with a verse that reads: "I've got living waters springin up within me - I've got streams of water flowing deep within . . ." ACK!

Reminds me of a South Park Episode where the boys decided to sing Christian rock and just took other songs, really bad rap songs etc . . . and substituted some of the words for Jesus or Lord or God . . . I say again . . . ACK!

So, this Friday evening, I will be sitting in a church pew, stiffling laughter and probably having to pee while my baby sings about plunging into Jesus Christ and getting wet and streams within him . . . ACK!

I.am.so.going.to.Hell!