Lawyers, Guns & Money

So, I've been having a dandy of a time chumming for twitterbots on Twitter. Yes, I tweet, what's it to ya?

It suddenly occurred to me that I have nothing interesting to say. nothing. I don't even have anything remotely interesting to say in 140 characters or less.

I haven't had any really good cases since Perez Hilton called me a legal goon - in fact, the economy has struck the legal industry and my pay got cut - at least I didn't get downsized.

The summer was even boring - save getting left by my husband of 13 years and partner of 16. I mean, I only saw one pair of assless chaps at the Easy Rider Rodeo!

The fall, all one week and two days of it . . . has been cold and rainy mostly. The brightest spot is my new bedding.

Wait! I won a shotgun the otherday . . . so there's that! That's what I need to bring me out of my doldrums - more guns!

I shall leave you with this picture: it was self defense. He attacked me for baking his friends into a cake the day before. Poor guy . . . didn't have a chance. *snicker*

A Black Cloud

It is no secret that I have been living under a big black cloud these days. It is frustrating because I do not like to rely on others for comfort or for advice or for anything really. I am a do-er. I do not like folks to know my problems, because I would rather fix their's than deal with mine.

Anyway, this big black cloud and the events unfolding beneath it, have turned me into the needy friend. I don't like to be the needy friend. I feel like I am sucking the life out of those around me - as the needy friend is sometimes wont to do - and I hate it. It isn't all about me.

So, if I've sucked the life out of you recently, I am truely sorry. Did I tell you I know CPR? Cause I can blow the life back in ya if need be. ;)

Anyway, I am working on my issues, and myself. I've got the love and support of a few wonderful friends, and the rest of you will just have to be subjected to my meloncholy on a more haphazard basis. So, rather than continue to be a drain on my patient readers . . . I will allow this to entertain you as it does me!

Run to You

I've posted multiple times about Hair - my boyfriend in highschool - my oldest friend. We have kept in touch through the years, the trials, the tribulations, the births, the deaths. . .

Last night, I met him for drinks, the first time since my sister's death that I have seen him. I was waiting for him and chatted with a friend in the parking lot. As he strode up to me, I heard him say "can you go anywhere without seeing someone you know?" The answer to that is no. But folks, he and I haven't been in the same vicinity (not counting my sister's funeral) since 1994 . . . and yet? He still remembers that I can't go anywhere without seeing someone I know. (So much for getting a discreet drunk on)

But seriously, there are few people on this earth that I can pick up with after an extended time and just flow (they know who they are). We chatted about our families, our children, our jobs. We talked about recent trials and tribulations, and we talked about the past. Oh, and the beer was flowing.

The strangest conversation began after about the 4th beer.

See, I run to him whenever I need a shoulder. I don't walk, I run. When my folks split up (temporarily) in 1990, I quite literally ran the 3.5 miles to his house and holed up for days. When my grandad died in 1996, I called him from Philadelphia to tell him. He talked me through it, and was my comfort. When I got married (he didn't come) but his emails helped to talk me out of a tree. When I was stressing about finals, I emailed him. When I was stressing about law school, he calmed me down. When I had my baby, and the magnitude of the change in my life struck me for the first time sitting in my living room, a sleeping baby in my arms, an email from him filled with snarky comments about what was surely my new fat ass made me laugh and lightened the load. When my husband had his accident, I picked up the phone and called him (the first time in over 10 years) - and he listened. In May, when my sister died, he was one of the first people outside of my family that I texted and his immediate response was "How are you, and what do you need?" And now? now that I am facing being alone for the first time in my adult life - he was there, in person, with a firm hug and a friendly smile.

But last night, he recounted times he's run to me. I am ashamed to admit I never noticed. We have remained close friends despite barely speaking with each other, over the last 15 years and not seeing each other at all. He surprised me. He surprised me that he remembered very specific details about our 23 year friendship (I thought I was the only one) because of the impact I had on him.

He recounted the exact moment that he decided he loved me (5th grade folks). He recounted the exact moment that he decided he didn't (hahahaha - also 5th grade). He remembered all the same things I've recounted for you here before and I was surprised. I should not have been. But I was surprised. And then? He surprised me still. He is a musician at heart, and he writes songs. He started by encouraging me to write - songs, books, short stories. He didn't forget that I used to have a passion for it as a teenager. He even remembered one of my ill-conceived ideas nearly 20 years on. Oh and he wants me to sing and play again (though has no idea how bad I am at it now).

I'm still shocked. But then he paid me a great compliment. He told me that he has written a great many songs about me. Ha! No one has ever written anything about me (cept Perez Hilton - calling me a legal goon). I was both shocked and flattered. He said, what I have said for years - that when troubled - he runs to me and it comes out in his songs. And they are good, and sweet - and I had no idea, nor would I have guessed that they were about me (in part). I had been enjoying his music for quite a while - and he had to explain to me which songs - which lines were about me and why. Seriously shocked, but the reminiscing was fantastic. (Clapton concert, Kansas concert, Dylan concert, chocolate chip cookies, prom . . . the list was long and oh, so fun).

When he hits the big time, I'll point ya'll in his direction, but for now, I am just content to know that my 23 year friendship has not only spawned great memories, but great songs. And when next I need someone who has known my failings and flaws back to when I was 10, I know who to call. And I know, he'll come running with a cold beer and a warm hug, and some silly ditty about chasing fireflies in the trailer park in 1993 ;) hahahaha!

And I'll leave you with this snippet from Lady Antebellum's I Run To You:

This world keeps spinning faster
To a new disaster, so I run to you
I run to you, Baby

When it all starts coming undone
Baby, you're the only one I run to
I run to you

Never Forget

Eight years ago today I was sitting in my office on the 50th floor of the tallest building in Philadelphia. i'd been there for about 30 minutes when my husband called and said "did you hear? a plane hit a building in New York." We joked about it . . . pilot error, "Oh look clouds, pretty . . . . . building! Ack!" Neither of us had the details. Shortly thereafter, he called back and to report a second plane had hit a building and this time, there was no joking. We both believed the U.S. was under attack. We were not wrong.

As I switched my computer to a live feed, I watched over and over as the carnage mounted. Reports flooded all day, planes . . . the Pentagon . . . Pennsylvania . . . Terrorists. . . my mind was muddied and confused.

The entire city of Philadelphia was in a panic. Folks were streaming out of buildings, running through the streets, calling loved ones. Phone lines were jammed, no one could get a call made, streets were jammed, no one could drive anywhere. I walked out of my building some time in the afternoon, stunned. I walked to Love Park in Center City Philadelphia and I just sat there. I sat and watched shocked people walk by me, I sat and watched as folks grabbed onto eachother for support, cried or shook or held strangers on the sidewalk. We were in Philadelphia - 2 hours from New York were some dear friends worked, lived, played.

It was an apocolyptic scene to be sure, and we were not even in New York. It took me four hours to get home - 7 miles away - where I later sat hugging a pillow and watching the day play over and over on my television. I cried and cried and cried. "What could we do to help?" "How could this happen?" Thoughts of sadness and disbelief washed over me. Life would never be the same.

Others can say with more conviction, with more eloquence, what happened on that day, I can only say that since that day I have wished for brave men and women to protect us, and I have seen that call answered 1000 fold. I have met many of those brave men and women, prayed for them, laughed with them, prayed for them.

I can only say that since that day, I have hoped for more for our country. I have been both proud and disappointed.

I can only say that since that day, I have looked for ways to help. I joined my fire department, Soldiers Angels, and various and sundry other activities. I try hard to do my part - to show our enemies that we are not weak, that where one of us falls, someone else is behind him to take up the colors.

I will never forget that day. I will never forget sitting on my couch and watching as the little neighbor boy, who had turned 10 on Sept. 10, made his way to my door and said "Ms. Oddy, I will never have a happy birthday again ever because I can never forget what happened one day after my birthday." That little boy is - as of yesterday - 18. I spoke to him, and he had a quiet birthday yesterday because he hasn't forgotten that one day later nearly 3000 Americans lost their lives. He pledged at 10 not to forget, and bless him, he hasn't.

I will never forget that day, despite seeing so many around me who have. I will never forget and if I have the opportunity, I will remind you.

September 11, 2001 - may the day never be forgotten. May those who lost their lives, never be forgotten and may the reason - yes, the reason - they lost their lives, never be forgotten. The blind hatred felt by those fundamentalists in the so called "religion of Peace" to us and our way of life. Never, never forget.

My Happy Pill

'Nuff said!

Ragged Company

"Ragged Company" - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

O lord I think I'm falling
To my disbelief
I'm cursing like a sailor and lying like a thief
It's hard to heed the calling from the better side of me
When I'm blaming everybody else and no one's coming clean

O lord can you see my thick skin wearing thin
And the demons of a lesser me are beckoning me in
Those who gathered'round me - I'm watching them all leave
Cause I am my own ragged company

You can take a trip to China or take a boat to Spain
take a blue canoe around the world and never come back again
But traveling don't change a thing, it only makes it worse
Unless the trip you take is in to change your cruel course
'Cause every town's got a mirror and every mirror still shows me
That I am my own ragged company

O lord it's lonely, lord it's mighty cold
And I don't want to live this way
Afraid of growing old

It's hard to heed the warning when you cannot see the crime
The only way to remember is to forget in a rhyme
And I'm scared to tread the red road that leads to galilee
Cause I am my own ragged company

And nothing is ever as you want to be

You lose your love for her and then
It is her who is lost,
And then it is both who are lost,
And nothing is ever as perfect as you want it to be.

In a very ordinary world
A most extraordinary pain mingles with the small routines,
The loss seems huge and yet
Nothing can be pinned down or fully explained.

You are afraid.
If you found the perfect love
It would scald your hands,
Rip the skin from your nerves,
Cause havoc with a computered heart.

You lose your love for her and then it is her who is lost.
You tried not to hurt and yet
Everything you touched became a wound.
You tried to mend what cannot be mended,
You tried, neither foolish nor clumsy,
To rescue what cannot be rescued.

You failed,
And now she is elsewhere
And her night and your night
Are both utterly drained.

How easy it would be
If love could be brought home like a lost kitten
Or gathered in like strawberries,
How lovely it would be;
But nothing is ever as perfect as you want it to be.

Brian Patten

Fall-ish

Summer's coming to a close. The days are sunny and warm and the nights are crisp and cool. It's the kind of weather in which my toes are always cold, and snuggling under a blanket or up against a warm body are always recommended. It is time for bonfires and s'mores, for corn mazes and hay rides.

This weather also inspires me to bake. I've been baking a lot lately. The apples and pears are in and it is time to start making my apple cake. Folks love my apple cake, and I enjoy making it for those I love.

The fall is a time for get-togethers. I know, you think that's what summer is for, but in reality, between vacations and pool parties, there is never time to just be with those you love. True down time. The fall brings on the kind of down time where you can relax with good friends for good food, good beer and good football. So I cook. Food is love after all.

Fall is my favorite time of year because I cook savory and sweet foods for those I love, football is on the box, and the chill in the air means some close personal contact with another warm body. :)

Gotta love the fall.