Boy Stabs Sister over Pot Pie

What is this world coming to when you can't even eat your pot-pie in peace? That's right folks, a young man stabbed his sister when she refused to give up her chicken pot-pie, somewhat reminicent of Cartman on Southpark ("no kitty, my pot-pie") but a tad more violent. So, I have devised a pot-pie protection program for those of you who are afraid that your pot-pie will be theived by a sibling or other pot-pie bandit:

1. Nuke pies only when alone with shades drawn and telephone off the hook;
2. Tie up younger brother prior to nuking pie - then eat every morsel in front of him while singing "nanny nanny boo-boo" gleefully;
3. Disguise pot-pie as a peanut butter sandwich;
4. Replace pie wrapper with tin foil marked "mystery", get sibling to dare you to eat it;
5. Take a preemptive strike at the pie-snatcher, disabling him or her prior to nuking pie;
6. Stand guard with taser;
7. Wire pot-pie with electrodes which cause much pain when ever pie is touched by anyone not you (think beer/roommate commercial and dog collar);
8. Replace pie filling with rocks, watch teeth of thief shatter;
9. Try the "look over there" option and make a run for it; and last but not least
10. Perfect the art of speed eating.