Trophy Girls

I was at the Easyriders Rodeo this weekend. For those that don't know, it is a bike event where people put their Harleys to the test. Burn-outs, hill climbs, pulls, races, etc . . .

Sorry, I do not have any pictures as it was at times too bright or too dark to take any pictures, I will simply have to tell the tale myself.

As I have said here before, the Better Half is a firefighter. His volunteer company participated at Easyriders by selling beer to raise money for the company. So of course, while manning the beer truck, we got to see all kinds.

Let me start with Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked to be about 18 (the age to get into the event.) When the Better Half and I arrived at the beer truck at 9 p.m., She was on stage, in a bikini top and jeans, getting doused with water and wiggling and shaking while she chugged a mug o' beer. Then in a southern drawl, she proceeded to tell the crowd of oggling men that she had, in fact, come to this event ALONE! I had the displeasure of meeting Ms. Elizabeth several times throughout the night. While I never served her, as she had a different "gentleman" buying her beers all night, I observed that she was highly intoxicated, probably also high as a kite, and was with a different "gentleman" every hour or so. If Elizabeth wasn't gang-raped that night, I would be surprised. If Elizabeth remembered any of it the next day, I would be shocked.

After sizing up Elizabeth for the night, we moved on to the trophy girl contest. For those who don't know, a trophy girl contest is where young ladies dance for the crowd for 45 seconds and the crowd picks the winner. Dancing is not all that is involved. Stripping is most entirely appropriate, the sucking of nipples is also seen, oh and the gratuitous dousing of what is left of one's clothing with beer or water is also acceptable.

The Better Half, correctly chose the night's winner, apparently she did not have much competition as the size of her upper hemisphere was quite impressive. Also, she was able to shake it to Cherry Pie, much to the delight of drunken bikers everywhere.

Sorry guys, no pictures.

After the trophy girl contest (which I did not enter, because I prefer my ta-tas to stay in my shirt), we were treated to the endless parade of drunken people. Oh, and there were assless chaps a plenty.

There was butterface (everything was nice but her face) Who apparently was too poor for a pair of leather assless chaps, so she made her own out of blue jeans.

There was cellulite mama who really should have jogged a day or two prior to breaking out her assless chaps.

There was ghosty, who really should have tanned before breaking out her assless chaps.

There were two shirtless, 40 something, men in their boxer shorts. Not pretty people.

Then there was the man who walked around with a rubber-penis hanging from his bluejeans. Good times people, good times.

Lastly, there was Elizabeth mentioned above, who changed into what was apparently a pair of underwear in red, white and blue, and this time with a man who was the type who causes you to want to wash after meeting him. Yuck!

Oh, and lest anyone think I couldn't give those trophy girl contestants a run for their money, I was presented with many mardi gras beads, as my "assets", while not bare, are still charming!

I forgot the bikes! Oh man, if you like bikes, you would be in paradise. There were custom choppers, tricked out Harleys, awesome trikes, and a few really cool paint jobs. I wish I had pictures of those.

So, that was my weekend in a nutshell, three days of bikes and debauchery. What did you do?