Christmas Presents - UPDATED

To indulge Roses request for more bad Christmas stories I will tell of last Christmas.

Every year we have a traditional Slovak Christmas Eve dinner with my husband's family (A post all its own I assure you). Every year, we get gifts from them though I still am uncertain why.

Last year was the humdinger of all years as far as gifts go. We got scarves.

Now, I like me a good scarf. But, these were homemade scarves. You know the kind that are made of the fleece fabric and then knotted? Yeah - these were not those.

These scarves were about three feet long and were cut out of the fleece fabric. That is all. THAT IS ALL!! Seriously, the cheapest present I ever got. Someone took a bolt of fabric and said "this would make nice scarves" and then proceeded to simply cut the fabric into the shape of a scarf and then hand them out at Christmas! They didn't even cut them evenly, no! you could see the unsteady hand of the scissors as they cut out each scarf. They didn't even wrap them!

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't even put that on my dog. Now, I realize that it is the "gift" that counts. And while I would normally agree - not in this case. I'm thinking that they thought they had an obligation to gift something to us and so presented us with these long pieces of fabric. I would have fixed them - sewn them together, or knotted them, but she gave us all a different color.

I'm usually not so cynical about Christmas gifts, but really - if my 3 year old gave this to me I would be elated, cause a three year old would think that cutting a piece of fabric into a scarf is a masterpiece and it is - from a three year old.

We received these gifts from a 47 year old woman!

As for the mil - I've gotten size 3X sweaters (too big); size xs sweaters (too small), I've gotten electric pink purses, I've gotten plastic inflatable balls which you can put pictures in and then kick around, I've gotten socks, I've gotten books on how to improve my life (I like mine very much thanks) and I've even gotten underwear - not in my size, style or color.

I love the woman, but I'm difficult to buy for. I know it. I prefer if no one buy me gifts because it is unnecessary. I do appreciate the thought. I really do. But I have a box in the basement of gifts given to me by my husband's family that I either cannot or will not use. The box is full folks! Full. I can't throw any away for fear she will ask - as she always does - "where is such and such that I gave you?" She likes her gifts to be acknowledged over and over and over and over and over . . .

We got the MIL a Dyson this year for Mother's Day and Christmas all rolled together. So it isn't as if we mistreat her. There is no cause for alarm with this post - trust me. It is simply that I am difficult to buy for - at least where they are concerned.

Now, they know what I like (snowman heads and snowbabies) and how I decorate, dress and even the movies and music I listen to on a daily basis. But, that knowledge doesn't translate into gifts.

Oh, but back to the dinner - gifts are usually accompanied by something inappropriate from my Husband's uncle. Like for instance when we were dating I was asked if I needed knee-pads for Christmas *wink, wink* because the [one day husband] was looking pretty happy and content lately and I "must be getting in a lot of knee-time."

Then there was the time that my mil bought the underwear and the uncle said "I'd ask you to model that but they aren't sexy enough. Go throw on a negligee and come on out." ----folks, I used to be cute . . . ----

Oh, but then there was the time when he had a running conversation with himself about whether I liked it on the top, bottom or from behind . . . while extolling the virtues of each position and offering to show them to me if I'd like.

Then there was the year I was pregnant with my son and he said - at the dinner table - "she is obviously accustomed to being on her back, now it is time for her to get in the kitchen!"

UPDATED: I almost forgot! My husband's other uncle is a quadraplegic with limited use of his hands though no range of motion. He drinks everything out of a sippy cup. Two years ago, when my son was 1 1/2. The shock-uncle thought it would be cute to put beer in quad-uncle's sippy cup. He put a whole beer in a christmas cup. My son drank said beer. ALL OF IT! No one knew cause - who would have done such a thing. The baby was drunk. Seriously drunk. Slurring his small words, walking funny, falling down. The shock-uncle laughed and explained what had happened. I wanted to run his ass down with a car. No such luck. We don't let the Boy near shock-uncle for fear of a reinactment.

So, trust me!!! I can overlook the bad gifts, cause I've got the bad uncle to look forward to every year! UGH!

Christmas Eve is two days away - how fun.