April 21, 2008


So, I have some pretty good friends who have a 19 year old daughter who is getting married in a few weeks. We were invited to the shower. She registered for some interesting things - including camping gear - you know - oh so practical if you are getting married. I got her kitchen stuff and a cookbook. I spent about $50.00.

Now, yesterday, we received our invite to the wedding - except - we aren't. That is to say, we are not invited to the wedding. We are invited to the reception (consisting of hot dogs, hamburgers and some side salads - ala graduation party), but not the wedding. Now, my question for you much more cultured folks is this: Do I have to buy another gift? I mean seriously, hot dogs and hamburgers and we aren't even invited to the wedding?

I've spent $50.00 and she barely glanced at my gift while opening it. She sorta shunted it to a lackey, read the card - visibly checked for money or a gift card and off my gift went to another room. Do I need to buy another gift?

Here is the kicker, I feel really terrible, but I don't think this marriage is going to last long for a few reasons:

1. She is 19.
2. She has never been away from home and is moving 4 hours away.
3. She has never cooked anything for herself - ever.
4. She has never been in a relationship that lasted more than 6 months - except this one which will reach 6 months about the time of the marriage.

I hope I'm wrong, but it doesn't bode well. But seriously, am I obligated to get another gift when the return is a hot dog at a reception where she will have already changed from her gown into jeans? What would you do?

Posted by Oddybobo at April 21, 2008 02:35 PM | TrackBack

Nope, the gift you got her is fine. You were invited to the shower so you could give her something and the hot dog is her way of saying 'thanks'.
I think she'll be fine with one gift...!!

Posted by: pam at April 21, 2008 04:33 PM

Yes, if you are invited to the wedding, you send / bring a gift. It's one of the perils of being to both the wedding and the showers. Plus, these sorts of weddings are becoming more common -- I've had a few friends with destination weddings (i.e., wedding in Florida or the Bahamas or where ever); I wasn't invited to the ceremony, but they have a reception back home, where friends and family can more easily attend.

Also, some of my favorite weddings / receptions were fried chicken-and-firehall affairs, so don't judge a reception based on food / locale. Perhaps it's all the families can afford.

Or maybe they are just cheap bastards. In either event, if you feel like you've already spent too much money, do you have any Christmas gifts lying around? Maybe you could re-gift?

Or perhaps a you could get something for free:


You could get a few bottles of wine on discount at the state store for less than $20 ...

Or buy diferent colored votive candles, at 50 cents each, put them in a nice basket, and include this poem. Girls love it:

A basket of candles for (Dick and Jane):

A basket of candles that come in a pair
In all different colors for you two to share

The white ones burn first, as white as new lace , to celebrate your first night in your new place.

The green pair of candles is taller and thinner; Burn with the first company you have over for dinner.

The dark blue candles are for after your first fight, use them to burn while you make up all night.

Pink candles set the mood and pave the way; for your first married Valentine's Day.

Now when your first year of marriage is through; the cream anniversary pair will light for you two.

Red candles a flame, both your futures are bright; celebrate promotions you've worked for all night.

By this time we hope, maybe just maybe, you can light the light purple ones -- on the birth of your baby.

And just when you thought you'd put these away,
Take out the light blue ones for your fifth anniversary day.

Now just one more pair left - for the big 25; the anniversary pair that will keep your love alive.

Congratulations on the start of your marriage forever may the two of you always be happy together

and burn these candles just they way we said. But please don't forget to blow them out before bed!

Posted by: bill at April 21, 2008 04:36 PM

Thanks Bill, I love the candles and poem idea. And I'm a fireman. So, I've been to tons of fried-chicken firehall affairs and they are great. But this is more akin to a highschool graduation. Which is fitting as she is barely out of highschool!

Posted by: Oddybobo at April 21, 2008 05:18 PM

I love the candle thing. I often buy a small basket and fill it with snacks I know the bride and groom like and a little note, as it is often difficult to eat all day on wedding day, and then they can pack a few along for the honeymoon trip, too. Someone did that for us, and it is still the best present we got. Cheap AND thoughtful.

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 21, 2008 07:40 PM

I don't think I understand, by reception do you mean the party right after the marriage ceramony or by wedding do mean the big formal religious place thing with a big fancy "reception after?

I have never heard of someone not being invited to the wedding (religious place). If it's that and your still invited to the "reception" (party immediately after the religious place) then in my opinion a gift is fitting (but nothing expensive since it's just a bbq)

Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 22, 2008 09:27 AM

By religious place I mean c






but it won't let me use that word all together

Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 22, 2008 09:27 AM

yes i think you need to bring a gift but how about something small like a great book or photo album for all the new pics to be taken?

Posted by: zoey at April 22, 2008 01:27 PM

Picture frame - spend less than $10. And I looooove the candle idea! Either one of those!

Posted by: Richmond at April 22, 2008 02:32 PM

Here's my etiquette... wait 'til Bass Pro Shops or Dick's Sportin' goods, or Cabela's have a sale. Buy her a fish finder and claim that she needs it to find the fish in the freezer. You'd be golden then. If she don't like it and she's askin' for campin' gear you can bet her ol' man will. Maybe he'll stick 'round for the fish finder alone.

Posted by: RedNeck at April 22, 2008 09:13 PM

Yes, you have to bring a gift. The size? You can go token, you went to the shower. But here's the deal on the 'ceremony'... does she have emotional issues? Is there a size issue with the place they are having it? There may be more to this story... I went to a wedding where the girl had some emotional issues and that wedding (tacky tacky, my buddy and I timed it) lasted... 4 minutes. They were afraid she'd pass out in front of anyone if it was any longer. Some were critical, but those of us who were in the know, understood.

So... they could be incredibly tacky or there could be some reasoning. It would be interesting to find out!

Posted by: Bou at April 22, 2008 10:12 PM

I've actually seen many times that they keep the service very small and have the big shindig. Getting more and more common.

But...I'd go with the candles. EXCELLENT choice.

You really didn't expect a different answer from ME did you? ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at April 23, 2008 10:22 AM

Everyone else got here before me. I agree with the small gift thing... candles being excellent.

I've been to one "wedding" where it ended up being the reception as they did the justice of the peace thing with only the immediate family. We didn't know about that part ahead of time and since we had to make a special trip and all kinds of extra preparations for it - we might not have gone if we knew it was only going to be a party as we lived far enough away that it was a weekend trip for us.

Ah well, everyone is different. But I hope you at least enjoy the party and we'll hope for the best for the bride and groom... you never know. :-)

Posted by: Teresa at April 23, 2008 08:04 PM

I'd bring a six-pack of good beer.

Or maybe lovingly gift-wrapped aquarium containing mayflies. With a card that says "Hope your marriage lasts longer!"

Posted by: zonker at April 25, 2008 10:57 AM