Not to Be

I've started this post a couple times but then thought better of it. But, as this is my blog, what the hell.

I'll start by saying that God has an interesting sense of humor. The Boy has been praying during his evening prayers for a brother or sister for months. We've told him that it wasn't happening. Then we went on vacation to Belize.
Well, you all know that we had a wonderful time in Belize. It was the first vacation my husband and I have been on together in 7 years. Add to that the fact that we don't see much of eachother. So, all together we had 7 days of together time. That 7 days was wonderful. And it must have been wonderful as I ended up pregnant!

Yep. I brought home a passenger from Belize. Only a few people have known as I began to experience problems right away. I've been in and out of doctor's offices for the past three weeks. I gave blood on 7 occassions and I had two ultrasounds. Talk about feeling violated.

On Friday, I began to miscarry. I'm told I will continue to have symptoms into the week.

To be honest, I am not that upset. I'm a little disappointed as I'd really gotten into the idea once the shock wore off. But I'm not emotionally distraught or upset. I don't even think I cried. I've been hormonal, as my body readjusts, but I'm not upset. Much of that is because it was so early (no heartbeat even) and some of that is that I'm just not an emotionally fragile gal. I have empathy when it comes to my friends and family, but not a whole lot of emotion when it comes to myself. Plus, and this is a big plus, I have the benefit of having a couple wonderful and beautiful women in my corner who help take the sting out and they know who they are.

I was worried my hubby would be more disappointed than I as he was truely excited. He was ok too. He was worried about me but ok. And, once he physically could see that I was ok, he said, with that broad smile only he can muster - "Think of the fun we'll have trying again." I laughed as he swaggered off.

Trying again. I hadn't thought of that either. See, the Boy is 5. We really didn't anticipate any more kids. But the thought of it was so much fun. So, we may indeed try again. The dilemma is picking which exotic locale to - um - visit. *snicker*

So, excuse me while I go do some vacation research . . . *skips away merrily*