April 29, 2008

Not to Be

I've started this post a couple times but then thought better of it. But, as this is my blog, what the hell.

I'll start by saying that God has an interesting sense of humor. The Boy has been praying during his evening prayers for a brother or sister for months. We've told him that it wasn't happening. Then we went on vacation to Belize.
Well, you all know that we had a wonderful time in Belize. It was the first vacation my husband and I have been on together in 7 years. Add to that the fact that we don't see much of eachother. So, all together we had 7 days of together time. That 7 days was wonderful. And it must have been wonderful as I ended up pregnant!

Yep. I brought home a passenger from Belize. Only a few people have known as I began to experience problems right away. I've been in and out of doctor's offices for the past three weeks. I gave blood on 7 occassions and I had two ultrasounds. Talk about feeling violated.

On Friday, I began to miscarry. I'm told I will continue to have symptoms into the week.

To be honest, I am not that upset. I'm a little disappointed as I'd really gotten into the idea once the shock wore off. But I'm not emotionally distraught or upset. I don't even think I cried. I've been hormonal, as my body readjusts, but I'm not upset. Much of that is because it was so early (no heartbeat even) and some of that is that I'm just not an emotionally fragile gal. I have empathy when it comes to my friends and family, but not a whole lot of emotion when it comes to myself. Plus, and this is a big plus, I have the benefit of having a couple wonderful and beautiful women in my corner who help take the sting out and they know who they are.

I was worried my hubby would be more disappointed than I as he was truely excited. He was ok too. He was worried about me but ok. And, once he physically could see that I was ok, he said, with that broad smile only he can muster - "Think of the fun we'll have trying again." I laughed as he swaggered off.

Trying again. I hadn't thought of that either. See, the Boy is 5. We really didn't anticipate any more kids. But the thought of it was so much fun. So, we may indeed try again. The dilemma is picking which exotic locale to - um - visit. *snicker*

So, excuse me while I go do some vacation research . . . *skips away merrily*

Posted by Oddybobo at April 29, 2008 09:01 AM | TrackBack

Oh, bless, Honey.


Posted by: Christina at April 29, 2008 10:03 AM


Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 29, 2008 11:00 AM

Have fun living and God will take care of what is meant to be... {{Hugs}}

Meantime... a mountain ski lodge, you, the hubby, a fireplace and a bear rug... Oh, wait! That's MY fantasy! LOL!

Posted by: pam at April 29, 2008 11:02 AM

Wow, I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad. Please let me wish you all the best and, no matter what, that there always b a positive outcome.

(I hope that's OK.)

Posted by: Erica at April 29, 2008 12:58 PM

Sending hugs and prayers to you and yours.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at April 29, 2008 01:53 PM

Hang in there sweetie - sounds like you have a great outlook on the whole thing. {{hugs}}

Posted by: Richmond at April 29, 2008 02:38 PM


I started reading this and thought WOW...and now....

just sorry

Posted by: AWTM at April 29, 2008 09:55 PM

I don't think I'd be upset if I miscarried. I'd be more like "More money for me!" I know I'm cold, but one child is enough for barely exsisting sanity.

Posted by: Jenny at April 29, 2008 11:30 PM

I'll keep a couple of fingers crossed for the perfect result, whatever that may be.

Posted by: Peter at April 30, 2008 01:35 AM

*hugs* I will pray that you get the out come you want the most.

Posted by: vw bug at April 30, 2008 05:27 AM

Oh I'm sorry. I know I'm way behind and several days late, but I agree with Rich - you have a wonderful balance to you and I think that certainly helps even through the hormones. {HUGS}

Posted by: Teresa at May 3, 2008 11:33 AM

Holy crap, the boy is FIVE!!!!! Dang! I remember when he was not five.

Remember, practice makes perfect in the small human making department.

Posted by: Two Dogs at May 3, 2008 12:21 PM

Here's sending you a hug and know we are thinking of ya! On the positive side, practice does make perfect,,,(or so I've heard!) *S*

Posted by: Michele at May 6, 2008 12:15 PM