June 03, 2010

WARNING: Doesn't Play Well With Others

Recently, it has come to my attention that certain of my "friends" believe that I am not a good parent. Then, this was solidified by my ever-wonderful secretary who told me that I am "ruining" my son....sigh.

That's ok. My child is happy, healthy and loved without measure, and that really is all that matters at the end of the day.

While my parenting style is not a mirror image to these two "friends", and certainly not that of my secretary, it is not exactly non-existent. So let's break it down:

I do not think my child is a burden. My life did not end when he was born, it began. I do not lament his lack of skills, talents and/or attributes. He is who he was meant to be, and will become who he is meant to become in due time. My job as a parent is to help him become that man someday.

I include my kid in all I do...vacations, cooking, play etc... He is a part of my life, and should experience those things that I enjoy.

I allow my scared and nervous little boy to sleep with me. Yep. He's 7, and he isn't ready to sleep alone in his room. Given the past 2 years that he has had, I don't blame him. He is fully capable of sleeping alone. He does so when he feels like it. He goes away to sleep at friends' homes, relatives' homes and the like. He even wants to go to sleep away camp. But, at home? He wants to be near me so that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he can quickly figure out that I have not abandoned him, as he is wont to fear. I am most certainly NOT ruining him by allowing him to choose when and if he wants to sleep alone in my big scary house. Kids in certain asian countries sleep with their parents well into adulthood...because they all sleep in ONE ROOM! Geez....

When my kid wants a toy or a game or a book or a certain meal, he usually gets it. Over indulgence? Most certainly. I am able to provide a calm and loving and giving environment for my son. In turn, he is often found giving to others of his time, his things, his love and attention. I don't make him give to others, he does so because he wants to do so.

My son is a good-natured child. People want to be around him. I don't leave him behind when I travel (usually). I don't ditch him with friends so I can go out without him (usually). I don't try to escape him. I share him with others. :)

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't rule the roost. I am the boss. I say what we do and when. I say what we watch and when. I determine what we will eat, and usually what he will wear. I allow his input, and I even allow him to think that he is making decisions on some things, but I am the boss.

Our schedules don't revolve around his, they revolve around mine. Our lives don't revolve around his likes and dislikes, they revolve around mine. However, I am not opposed to getting ice cream for dinner for the hell of it, or eating brownies for breakfast, so there is that.

I don't seek sympathy for his problems or my inability to handle them. I don't compare my child to myself. I don't publicly wonder whether he isn't smart enough, tall enough, handsome enough. I don't worry that he isn't eating the right balance of vitamin A to vitamin K...I figure it will all work out fine and as it should..also, we can't all be me ;) hahaha!

I don't force feed my kid foods he doesn't enjoy and then bitch when he doesn't enjoy them. I don't mind if he plays in the mud, or plays with dolls.

Life is too fleeting to worry about whether or not he is going to ruin the suit I got him for Easter while riding his bike with no hands. I can buy another suit.

I don't mind helping him dye his hair green on green day at school, and I don't mind allowing him to pick out clothes that Tony Hawk or Shaun White affix their names to, because he aspires to shred, skate or fly like they do (as long as he wears something appropriate to church).

I don't discourage his current desire to become a deep-sea diving heart surgeon who studies giant squid and sharks. The boy has an imagination - and who says he can't do both? I don't shoo him off to another room when I listen to my music, or watch my shows. I don't try avoid an explanation of life's questions to him....although I've been known to quote Douglas Adams, Neil Gaiman and/or the Big Lebowski to aid in such explanations.

I don't talk down to him because he is a child. I speak to him as I'd expect anyone to speak to me.

I am his mother. I come with flaws. But, I love like nobody's business, and I can guarantee others don't love like me.

So no, I don't play well with others. I don't color within the lines or think within the box. I don't try to stear my child into my expectations, but rather I allow him to shape my expectations by what he is and who he is. I live. I live well, and I love. That...that should say something about my parenting skills. More than anything, however, I have a relatively happy, healthy and well-rounded child of whom I think the world. Those who think otherwise can piss off. ;)

Posted by Oddybobo at June 3, 2010 01:36 PM | TrackBack

There is no such thing as Vitamin K unless you are a horse, freak. And any daily allowance that calls for "micrograms" might as well be ignored anyway.

Give that danged boy some chicken strips and be done with it. Reeses Puffs are also a great source of taste and flavor for breakfast. They almost exceed the daily allowance for MMMMMMMM.

(By the way, do not let the boy play with dolls.)

Posted by: paul mitchell at June 3, 2010 01:58 PM

Your son is a just a doll and most welcome in my house at any time. Believe me, not many children are.

; )

Keep doing what you are doing. The proof is in the pudding.

Posted by: Christina at June 3, 2010 02:15 PM

You are a kick-ass mama, and I am in a bad mood, so you just give me the names and addresses of these "friends," and I will ever-wonderfully "ruin" them with a matching pair of broken knees. Assholes. Who the hell asked them, anyway?

Posted by: Erica at June 3, 2010 02:32 PM

The boy is *perfect* - whoever made allegations against your mad mothering skillz is obviously deaf, dumb and blind.

What is wrong with people??

Posted by: Pam at June 3, 2010 03:51 PM

I'm guessing you should stop talking to people who insist on offering parenting "advice" about your son. It's probably better to just let that type of conversation with them fade away. The only answers to questions about him would be - "he's fine and happy". We wouldn't want to overtax their brain cells and burn them out. LOL.

Them: Is your son still sleeping in your bed?
You: He's fine and happy.
Them: But we worry about his sleeping habits and want to be sure you are taking care of him.
You: He's fine and happy.
Them: But... well then, is he getting all the veggies he needs?
You: He's fine and happy
Them: Do you mean you fed him brownies for breakfast?
You: He's fine and happy.
Them: ...
You: Hot today isn't it.

This could become very amusing if you stop to think about it. Blog fodder galore.

Posted by: Teresa at June 3, 2010 05:11 PM

Honey - you are a wonderful Mother... The boy will be just fine. Always has been... always will be... You Rock. :)

Posted by: Richmond at June 3, 2010 10:08 PM

Good grief, I want you to adopt ME!

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at June 4, 2010 06:30 AM

Betcha the lot of us would kill to have a happy, loving child like the one you're supposedly "ruining". Besides your parenting philosophies closely parallel mine. All I can say is, I got a nephew around your boy's age (slightly older) that can use a mom like you (his isn't worth a shit).

And there is no faster way to poison a friendship than to call out another's parenting abilities. So long as you're not physically or mentally abusing your son, or denying him a loving home and environment, who's business is it?

Posted by: diamond dave at June 4, 2010 10:12 PM

I hope you're not teaching him to be short. That'd just be wrong.

Posted by: zonker at June 5, 2010 10:58 AM

You are to a good mother and don't let no body tell you different. Seriously.

Posted by: patti at June 9, 2010 07:31 PM

I'm coming to your house and having ice cream for dinner and brownies for breakfast! Dang!

I'll never understand people... You're a great Mom.

Posted by: Bou at June 12, 2010 09:48 PM