Green...

He looks like he should be in a commercial for McDonald's!

Growing... Fast

My boy, he's growing before my eyes. He still lets me snuggle him. He still wants to be with me. Part of that is a function of his underlying fear that I am going to leave him, or die. Part of that is that he cares so deeply about others that he wants to be sure I am happy. He often tells me, "smile mama. You have a pretty smile." Some of you get my Christmas card, and can see his march through the years. This year's card is no exception. But for those of you who do not, here is the monkey.... today.

Ireland

For the last week of September, I took a trip to Ireland. I think anyone interested in going, should go then. The touristy crowds were gone, the weather was ideal (70 and Sunny) and the sight-seeing was fantastic. Beins Scotch-Irish on my Dad's side, I should have thought ahead and planned to visit places that meant something to my family, but I opted instead for just going with the flow. It was magnificent. I cannot wait to go back. I leave you with a simple taste...

Writing

I find myself writing in my head more and more. Stories swirl, but have no where to go. I have journals to write in, but as I go to put pen to paper, a wall appears and the stories run and hide.

I once had a notion that I would be a writer. Not a good one, mind you, but a writer none-the-less. As a teen, I wrote poems, short stories and random passages of whimsy. Now, I write legal briefs, letters and memorandum. I think perhaps these banal writing assignments have stifled my ability to be creative.

I shall shortly find myself with two fewer houseguests. This will require me to be creative as I have some housekeeping to get in order, some furniture to purchase and some photos to hang upon my walls. I suspect that this "taking back of my home" will inspire me to put pen to paper again.

In the meantime, here is an excerpt of a story that has been floating in my head for many moons…. I know where it should go, where I want it to go, I just don't know that these excerpts will get it there. Below, some passages from various chapters in an as-yet unnamed manuscript. ;)

His Beginning

He sat on the corner of the couch in stunned silence. In fact, he had not moved from that spot in several hours. A dull ache radiated through his body as he struggled to remember her exact words. Heather was leaving. Of this much, Mike was sure. The last year played through his mind like an old home movie.

Mike smiled to himself as he remembered running into Heather and her mother a year ago at Walmart. It was like a country song, the name of which he could not remember. All the moments of his life, however insignificant were set to music in his mind. This daily soundtrack went far back to his childhood, back to when he would lock himself in his room to escape the mental and sometimes physical abuse heaped upon him by his parents. There, during those long days and nights, he would teach himself to play the guitar, the saxophone and the harmonica. He was not technically perfect, but the music that flowed from him was beautiful. Music was his life. Not only was he a professional musician, but he devoured every piece of new music he could get his hands on.

Since their very first date, Mike was completely in love with Heather. That date occurred in high school, when they were lab partners. The years parted them, Heather moved, Mike moved, but last year they met again. he knew it was meant to be from the very moment his eyes met hers. . . .

Her Beginning

She hummed a tune while signing her name on the last several pages of her divorce papers. The last several years were tough. Although she had devoted her life to him, taken a back seat to his career, desires and wishes, Kat's childhood sweetheart had chosen to leave her for a much younger woman. She would be alone for the first time in her entire life. The children she had longed for, never came. The pets she had wanted, never fit into his schedule. The friends she had needed, abandoned her for the new couple. She was completely and utterly alone. Despite that, as she signed her name on the very last page of the Settlement Agreement giving her the house and car and nothing else, she shouted out the words to the Bright Eyes tune she had been humming:

. . . I knew a woman, she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues. Until one day, she found out that he had lied and decided the rest of her life, from that point on would be a lie. But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next. But then she wept. What did you expect? In that big, old house with all those cars she kept. "Oh!" and "such is life," she often said. With one day leading her to the next, you get a little closer to your death, which was fine with her.
She never got upset and with all the days she may have left, she would never clean another mess or fold his shirts or look her best. She was free to waste away alone. . . .

All the moments of Kat's life, however insignificant were set to music in her mind. She was not a musician, but she knew music, it filled her up. She had only music to get her through this new beginning in which she was completely and utterly alone. . . .

Unnamed Chapter such and such…..

. . . when he was able to stop laughing and catch his breath, Mike reached across the table and grabbed Kat's hand. He asked her, "have you ever sat and flipped through the stations on your radio, and heard snippets of music which send memories flooding through you r mind?" Kat jumped in, "and you smile regardless of whether or not those memories are good or bad! The music makes you feel like you are there again!" "Exactly," Mike said through a smile. He was, by now, completely lost in her deep brown eyes as the jukebox flipped to Ray LaMontagne's "For the Summer."

He was still clutching her hand, but she hadn't noticed. Her body was swaying as the sweet melody enveloped her. It was only when the song had ended that she realized that they were dancing. . . .

Well Hello There!

Holy cats, Batman! I have been away from here for a very long time. Facebook, mainly, is to blame.

But, time continues to march on. Here's the Boy. He's growing up. Too fast. This is his "I'm trying to look hard" face.

As for me? Life has been very busy. I have some trips planned, some friends to see and some beer to drink! Whoo Hoo!

The Spirit of Christmas

Over the last several years I have noticed that more of my Christmas spirit had disappeared. I used to love this holiday. The religious nature of the holiday, the beautiful and fun music, the savory and sweet foods, the snow, the lights in my son and nephew's eyes when they opened a gift they had so wished to receive... I even loved shopping for a gift for my now ex-husband that he wouldn't expect because we'd agreed every year not to exchange gifts...

That Christmas spirit had nearly disappeared until this year. For some reason, I am suddenly looking forward to Christmas. It has snowed here, that may help. My son wants to be a one boy band, so he is getting several musical instruments for Christmas... from Santa, of course. Shopping for those things has made me very happy.

There was a point in this past year that I could barely rise from bed, and the Holidays were the furthest from my mind. However, today? I can say that I don't believe I've ever felt so loved...ever. Seriously. I wake daily to words of love, to affirmations from friends and family that I am loved, and my heart swells.

And then I look at this child... My child. My baby boy who is growing before my eyes and who I can't stand to be away from and the love in my heart leaps directly to his. So, this year I have Christmas spirit. At the very least, I have Christmas spirit for him:

Go Team Navy!!!

Every year at this time I join Team Navy and I donate my own money and my efforts to persuade you to donate your money and efforts to Project Valour IT. Every year we strive to raise money to get us through the holiday season and beyond in order to provide voice-controlled/adaptive laptop computers and other technology to support Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines recovering from hand wounds and other severe injuries.

A blog-friend and hero lends his name to this project. He is someone you should know. So for Chuck and for any other American hero suffering an injury protecting my freedoms, I send my genuine thanks, I send as many dollars as I can spare, and I send my friends to send their dollars. So, to Project Valour IT, the friendly competition between the Armed Forces and their supporters, I say GO TEAM NAVY!! SHOW US YOUR BEST!

Did I mention how much I like a man in uniform..... but I digress. ;)

To donate to Team Navy, no matter the amount, go here:

or use this:

To read about my friend Chuck and Project Valour IT, go here or here and most definitely here.

Support our Wounded Heros. Feel free to donate to one of the other branches of the military or to the project directly... but as for my efforts, they are going to Team Navy because I hold a special spot in my heart for some very special Navy boys!

You know the drill! Donate... donate now! Or I unleash the Minja! As you know, the Minja is not to be trifled with!

It's way scarier than you could ever imagine!

Come On

The sea called to me & I answered, driving through the dark I heard her call "come on, come on, come on."
The sea welcomed me with her salty sweet scent & her frothy tendrils caressing the shore.
The sea spoke to me her violent waves crashing noisily around me as she asked me to reveal to her my troubles.
The sea listened as I cried, calmed me as I revealed my fears, my hurts, my wants.
The sea beckoned me, her violent arms parted to welcome me in & then crashed around me to make me stay.
The sea chastised me as I struggled against her.
The sea bid me leave her & sent me away, whispering that she would call for me again.
I leave the sea with hope & a sense of loneliness.
I leave the sea until I hear her whispers on the wind again "come on, come on, come on."

copywrite 2010 - Kat

Growing Up Fast

Today was the Boy's first day of second grade. SECOND GRADE!!!!! Where has the time gone? Ack!

WARNING: Doesn't Play Well With Others

Recently, it has come to my attention that certain of my "friends" believe that I am not a good parent. Then, this was solidified by my ever-wonderful secretary who told me that I am "ruining" my son....sigh.

That's ok. My child is happy, healthy and loved without measure, and that really is all that matters at the end of the day.

While my parenting style is not a mirror image to these two "friends", and certainly not that of my secretary, it is not exactly non-existent. So let's break it down:

I do not think my child is a burden. My life did not end when he was born, it began. I do not lament his lack of skills, talents and/or attributes. He is who he was meant to be, and will become who he is meant to become in due time. My job as a parent is to help him become that man someday.

I include my kid in all I do...vacations, cooking, play etc... He is a part of my life, and should experience those things that I enjoy.

I allow my scared and nervous little boy to sleep with me. Yep. He's 7, and he isn't ready to sleep alone in his room. Given the past 2 years that he has had, I don't blame him. He is fully capable of sleeping alone. He does so when he feels like it. He goes away to sleep at friends' homes, relatives' homes and the like. He even wants to go to sleep away camp. But, at home? He wants to be near me so that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he can quickly figure out that I have not abandoned him, as he is wont to fear. I am most certainly NOT ruining him by allowing him to choose when and if he wants to sleep alone in my big scary house. Kids in certain asian countries sleep with their parents well into adulthood...because they all sleep in ONE ROOM! Geez....

When my kid wants a toy or a game or a book or a certain meal, he usually gets it. Over indulgence? Most certainly. I am able to provide a calm and loving and giving environment for my son. In turn, he is often found giving to others of his time, his things, his love and attention. I don't make him give to others, he does so because he wants to do so.

My son is a good-natured child. People want to be around him. I don't leave him behind when I travel (usually). I don't ditch him with friends so I can go out without him (usually). I don't try to escape him. I share him with others. :)

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't rule the roost. I am the boss. I say what we do and when. I say what we watch and when. I determine what we will eat, and usually what he will wear. I allow his input, and I even allow him to think that he is making decisions on some things, but I am the boss.

Our schedules don't revolve around his, they revolve around mine. Our lives don't revolve around his likes and dislikes, they revolve around mine. However, I am not opposed to getting ice cream for dinner for the hell of it, or eating brownies for breakfast, so there is that.

I don't seek sympathy for his problems or my inability to handle them. I don't compare my child to myself. I don't publicly wonder whether he isn't smart enough, tall enough, handsome enough. I don't worry that he isn't eating the right balance of vitamin A to vitamin K...I figure it will all work out fine and as it should..also, we can't all be me ;) hahaha!

I don't force feed my kid foods he doesn't enjoy and then bitch when he doesn't enjoy them. I don't mind if he plays in the mud, or plays with dolls.

Life is too fleeting to worry about whether or not he is going to ruin the suit I got him for Easter while riding his bike with no hands. I can buy another suit.

I don't mind helping him dye his hair green on green day at school, and I don't mind allowing him to pick out clothes that Tony Hawk or Shaun White affix their names to, because he aspires to shred, skate or fly like they do (as long as he wears something appropriate to church).

I don't discourage his current desire to become a deep-sea diving heart surgeon who studies giant squid and sharks. The boy has an imagination - and who says he can't do both? I don't shoo him off to another room when I listen to my music, or watch my shows. I don't try avoid an explanation of life's questions to him....although I've been known to quote Douglas Adams, Neil Gaiman and/or the Big Lebowski to aid in such explanations.

I don't talk down to him because he is a child. I speak to him as I'd expect anyone to speak to me.

I am his mother. I come with flaws. But, I love like nobody's business, and I can guarantee others don't love like me.

So no, I don't play well with others. I don't color within the lines or think within the box. I don't try to stear my child into my expectations, but rather I allow him to shape my expectations by what he is and who he is. I live. I live well, and I love. That...that should say something about my parenting skills. More than anything, however, I have a relatively happy, healthy and well-rounded child of whom I think the world. Those who think otherwise can piss off. ;)