July 19, 2005
Family Crap
So, my little sista is going through a divorce and she has a small child, a 3 year old. Her husband is the kind of man who thinks only of himself. His words after the birth of his child were "all he does is take my money and my time." Some dad. He still feels that way. When my sister left him (because he said her feelings were not as important as his) he told her he would not pay her a dime for their son. Well, she took him to domestics today and was awarded what she had asked for which was simply $300/month. Not a lot by any means, hardly enough if you ask me (or the domestic relations officer). He wasn't pleased.
I am wondering what possesses a grown man with a family to think only of himself. Can any of you help me out here? Most of my readers are devoted to their partners and/or children. What is the mentality? I will give more examples:
My nephew is borderline ADD you can see it in him. He needs activity, lots of it to keep him occupied and focused. My sister thought a tumbling class or gym class would be good. It was $35.00 a month. He said it was too expensive. In the meantime he has enrolled himself in a $170/month karate class.
My nephew has asthma and requires medication. He says my sister should buy the meds as they are too expensive (she does buy them) then he goes out and buys a $3000 guitar.
My sister wanted to go on vacation over a weekend to take my nephew to Sesame Place. He said no. Then, over my nephew's 3rd birthday, took a $1200 trip to take a pool lesson from some billiards champion, by himself.
When he is home, he forces the boy to sleep in a darkened room because he needs to nap, not the boy, the man. So the boy loses out on activity time because daddy needs a nap!
So again I ask, what possesses a man to think only of himself over his child or wife?
My husband is devoted to us. He never thinks of his hobbies or plans in front of our child. In fact, he has rearranged his life to include the boy in all our pursuits. So I don't have a good reference point. To discuss how the brother-in-law is with my sister would take days, but a lot of you out there know the type. What I want to know is how a man can be like this with his child. Not abusive, just indifferent.
Oh, for anyone wondering, I would have kicked his ass long ago if my husband showed any of those qualities, but I got a winner. My sista got a loser.
I really don't understand it. Can anyone enlighten me?
Posted by Oddybobo at July 19, 2005 04:49 PM
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I know guys like your ex-brother-in-law. It's easy to explain. They don't like kids, they don't like the idea of being a parent, they havent grown up mentally yet. They never got past those teenage years when it was "all about me".
I know one guy that feels his kids robbed him of the life he wanted. Another one feels his family is holding him back. A third is lazy and feels his wife should do all the work while he goes and plays.
Me, yea I gave up a lot of stuff for my family. But that was my choice. I don't resent my family for any decisions that I made and I don't regret a one of them. Do I wish I could get away with my wife for a while with out the boys, sure. But any parent that says different is either really not in love with their partner or is just boring.
You made a mistake in your second sentence when you called him a 'man'. He is not a real man; unfortunately for his son he's still a little, selfish boy inside.
How you have kept from hiring a hit on this guy is beyond me...
I'm glad your sister is smart and getting out now.
I'm sorry she is going through that. How tough!
Only $300.00 a month? What a jerk. He obviously don't live in Cal-lah-forn-nee-aa. I fork out $1500.00 a month for my three and I have them half the time! Actually, the boy turned 18 and has been living with me full-time since October. I really gotta get that support order amended!
Anyway, you'll never hear me complaining about the $$$ when my kids are anywhere near. Truthfully, I'd pay twice as much to be rid of their mother (psycho!), and some of that support eventually trickles down to them.
My second wife's ex-husband took very little interest in his boys for many years. He hardly ever saw them and spent most of his time working. (I raised them as my own, with little appreciation for my efforts.) Finally, their dad started becoming more involved and developed a good relationship with the younger boy. The damage was done with the oldest, I'm afraid. He's cordial with his dad, but they'll never be close.
Don't waste any additional time or effort trying to figure out what makes your ex-bro-in-law tick. It's not worth it. He might come around someday, but people rarely change--when they do, it's called a "miracle". Pray for the man. Sounds like he needs it.
The reason he doesn't like kids, or do anything for anyone else, is because he's still a kid. And a bastard one at that.
I would guess that almost all men get the feeling that the wife and kids are 'sucking them dry'/ruining their life/robbing them of the chance to live their life as they once envisioned it.
They get that feeling every now and then but are adult enough to realize that it would be irresponsible to follow through on it. They realize that they made committments and that these people in their life are real and much more important than dreams that never came true.
That's most people -- there are always a few who will abandon everything they have for things they think they want.
I guess the short answer to your question is maturity (or a lack of same).
Hey, Oddy, how 'bout an address? Karate, huh? This could be fun. He don't look that tough.
No, he isn't tough, he is a scrawny, lowlife, and Two Dogs, I've seen your pic, you could take him.
I guess I agree with everyone else, it is a lack of maturity. He is 34 and doesn't think he should have to give up anything for the sake of his family. If you work it right, you don't have to. Your family may be interested in what you are, but he doesn't want them included.
Amazing how everyone got this one right -- he's simply an immature, selfish child.
But why, oh why, wasn't a name and address posted? Huh, Oddy? You still trying to keep things clean for the Supreme Court nomination? :)
