August 26, 2005

Funny Stuff Man!

With all the bickering in the political sphere and all the horrible thoughts I can't shake about Cindy Sheehan and other of her ilk, I thought some levity was appropriate, so for your weekend enjoyment:

They're Back! Church Bulletins. Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services

* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours !


Posted by Oddybobo at August 26, 2005 10:03 AM | TrackBack

THANKS! I really needed this! By the halfway mark I was laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face... LOL!

Posted by: pam at August 26, 2005 10:38 AM

Those are great!

Enjoy your weekend, too!

; )

Posted by: Christina at August 26, 2005 03:15 PM

Those are excellent! Thanks.

I like the one on the church marquis that says, "Laying in bed on Sunday morning yelling 'Oh God' does not substitute for coming to church."

Posted by: Dash at August 26, 2005 10:28 PM

That was a nice little pick-me-up today.

Posted by: Contagion at August 27, 2005 10:27 AM

Big Big Smiles!
You are cracking me up!
Thanks, Oddybobo!

Posted by: Dorko at August 27, 2005 05:09 PM

Exactly what I needed today!! Thanks!!

Posted by: Tammi at August 27, 2005 09:09 PM

That was hilarious, thanks.

Posted by: Stacy at August 28, 2005 12:57 PM

I need to start going to church.

mmmm... electric girdles...

Posted by: Harvey at August 28, 2005 02:25 PM

good post by the way , You have just been tagged .

Posted by: gina at August 28, 2005 11:34 PM
» NIF TracksBack with: Bahng Chicka Bonck Beow
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