July 25, 2007

I hate it when . . .

Ok, rant alert!

I get that I have boobs. I do. However, they neither make me a bubblehead or rob me of intelligence or hinder me from standing up for myself or my client.

So, take note: If ever and I mean EVER you are counsel on the opposite side of a case from me do not do the following things or I will call you out and it will be reflected on the record!

1. Do not tut-tut at me, I am not a dog.
2. Do not touch my hand in anyway other than shaking it.
3. Do not put your hand up in my face to silence me when I am speaking - I do not respond well to that particular slight and will not stop speaking.
4. Do not tell me to "relax" when you have just been overly condescending and I have called you out on it.
5. Do not tell me how to do my job. I have an IVY LEAGUE education! I work in a top national lawfirm, and I am sitting at the same table, next to you in the same room doing the same thing! I KNOW HOW TO DO MY FRAKKIN JOB!
6. Do not cut me off when I am speaking because you prefer to hear yourself speak. I can assure you that I am not going to stop speaking simply because you think you can talk over me. And if you win that particular war, I will simply repeat my question - again, and again, and again, until you get the message. I can be here all day, can you?
7. Do not - and this one bares repeating - Do not "challenge" me to an insult fest, because I can assure you, I can hang.

And last, but certainly not least, don't put your arm around me. We are not colleagues, we are not friends, we do not even dance in the same freakin circles, you represent your client-badly and I will represent mine. Do not make me go redneck on your sorry ass.

This concludes todays gratuitous rant.

Posted by Oddybobo at July 25, 2007 02:51 PM | TrackBack
Comments

I'm thinking somebody touched Oddy who ought not have... did he draw back a nub? [I'm hoping!]

Hope it gets better!

Posted by: pam at July 25, 2007 04:01 PM

Say the word and I'll have Yabu on his ass!

Not that you need the assistance...

; )

Posted by: Christina at July 25, 2007 04:01 PM

I think you scared me ;P

Posted by: Quality Weenie at July 25, 2007 05:11 PM

Tell me he backed away slowly, whimpering.

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 25, 2007 05:20 PM

Was he able to walk when you were done with him... sounds like you own the family jewels now. Good for you! You get 'em!

Posted by: Teresa at July 25, 2007 07:04 PM

you are my hero

Posted by: vw bug at July 25, 2007 07:15 PM

I remember an old saying that goes "If you can not baffle them with brilliance, then dazzle them with bullshit". It appears that this....person....took more than a few pages from this book!

You should kick 'em in the dick.

Posted by: ktreva at July 25, 2007 07:48 PM

Foolish mortal. And I'm reading between the lines here that it's a MALE mortal.

Sounds like they deserve everything in your arsonal and then some.

Do I need to make a road trip? Cause I can, ya know. For support (and beer, of course!)

Posted by: Tammi at July 25, 2007 08:31 PM

Oddy,
That's all fine, Babe. Now how about you head over to the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

You know I'm kidding...right? Don't hurt me!


Posted by: Jerry at July 25, 2007 11:27 PM

Sorry, I read "I get that I have boobs. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah." And so on.

Boobs. Heh.

Posted by: zonker at July 26, 2007 08:07 AM

Do not make me go redneck on your sorry ass.

He tangled with an Ivy-League-educated redneck? He's lucky to still be alive! (And probably too stupid to realize it.)

Posted by: Jenna at July 26, 2007 11:28 AM

From one well endowed to another - Great going kiddo.

Posted by: Tink at July 26, 2007 02:40 PM

Sweetness, gurl! That's what I like to call summoning one's Inner-Brooklyn. You've brought a tear of pride and joy to my eye this day. I hope youse get to scare his hoo-hahs up inside his body.

Posted by: Erica at July 27, 2007 12:17 AM

Damn - Jenna crossed the finish line with the very observation I was about to make...

Oddy, you are now on my list of personal heroes. :)

Posted by: Bitterroot at July 30, 2007 07:55 AM

Still....boobs. Heh.

Posted by: zonker at July 31, 2007 08:45 AM

Ivy League, eh? Hmmm...which one?

Posted by: Elisson at July 31, 2007 09:31 AM

Get 'em Oddy! I've got your back...

Posted by: Richmond at July 31, 2007 09:39 AM

I'm sorry, did you say something? I was, umm... distracted...

Posted by: Ogre at August 1, 2007 10:27 AM

[meekly] Can *I* still put my arm around you? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at August 1, 2007 04:48 PM

Boobs, you say?

Posted by: That 1 Guy at August 1, 2007 10:09 PM